BEER
BONG
How
to make a beer bong
A
beer bong is probably one of the easiest devices you can make to get
your brew down quick and hopefully bring it back up at the same speed.
There are 2 main types of beer bongs, the coke’n’hose
funnel and the hardware store pro funnel
The Coke’n’hose
funnel is usually made at parties when your too boozed to
organize a bong and lack certain materials. You will need to find
the following:
- 1 length of
garden hose (approx. 1m in length)
- 1.25 / 2 litre soft drink bottle
- A sharp kitchen knife
- A roll of tape (any will do)
To add to the effect and charm, all of these items should be stolen
from various locations. Garden hose can be found in many front yards
and use the kitchen knife (which you racked from your mate’s
kitchen) to cut off a piece then put the connection back on it like
nothing ever happened. The knife may also come in handy to fend off
dogs and angry mothers trying to prevent your harmless fun.
The next step is to cut your soft drink bottle in half and keep the
end with the lid. Finally replace the lid with your new fresh hose,
and only insert it 3-5 cm into the bottle. Cover the joint between
the bottle and hose with several layers of tape until tight and your
ready to die. If you are honestly retarded at this stage, refer to
How to use a beer bong
The Hardware
Store Pro Funnel is the recommended choice of Sean and Col.
It provides serious beer guzzling power and is transportable and highly
durable. This type of funnels is excellent for small parties, large
functions, weddings, uni competitions and in lectures. To create this
monster you’ll need to visit your local (hardware store of course):
- A large sized
funnel ( keep it simple and plastic)
- 1 length of 20mm (30 if your insane) diameter clear hose ( 1-1.5m
depending on your skill level)
- A hose clamp
- A twist hose tap
This is probably
easier to put together than the Coke’n’Hose beer bong.
You should buy a hose that you can squeeze around the base of the
funnel, this usually will hold for a while, but for long term use,
use the hose clamp to keep it tight. On the bottom of the hose, place
your hose tap which can also be secured by a clamp. Always test such
designs on your little sister, so you can prevent possible accidents
on yourself. Fill this funnel to the top with the tap closed and then
start sucking like an $11.50 an hour hooker and turn the tap. How
to use a beer bong
Jimmy modelling a finished Hardware Store Pro Funnel
How
To Use A Beer Bong
Firstly,
I must say this is ridiculous that someone is reading this, coz it's
blatantly obvious how they work. But Drunkfun.20m.com's tips on using
are a good funnel are as follows:
1.
Cover the end of the hose with your thumb or with the tap if you installed
it.
2.
Slowly pour two full beers into the funnel as if you were pouring
a beer into a glass (hold it sideways and straighten it as it fills
up... fuck you're stupid). Try and leave a little bit of air in the
mouthpiece end of the funnel so you don't spill it on yourself later.
3.
Get your mate to hold it hight above your head as shown above
4.
Start a countdown or Sing "Here's to <<instert name
here>>, he's true blue, he's a piss pot through and through,
he's a bastard so they say, He tried to go to heaven but he went the
other way, so he...down down down" and so on.
5.
As the song finishes or your lucky numbers run out, put the end of
the hose to your mouth and either pull your thumb out or turn the
tap and start sucking that beautiful stuff down. If you mess it up,
you will be ridiculed and abused so push yourself to the limit
6.
The most important thing about a beer bong, is proving that you've
finished it, and the best and only way to celebrate an empty funnel,
is to blow the remaining froth and bubbles in the air, or onto a chick
wearing a white t-shirt. We personally find this to be the funniest
part of the entire process
back to top
SHOTGUN
Shotgunning
is a barrel of fun, and convenient to make a beer do twice as much
damage.
All you need
is a full can of beer and a car key to do a shotgun. Steps are:
1.
Hold the can on its side so that the ringpull is pointing downwards.
2. Pierce a
hole in the upward side of the can, as close to the bottom as possible.
This hole should be about the size of a 10c piece.
3. Put your
mouth over the hole and open the can fully
4. As you open
the can, straighten up the can so the open hole is pointing upwards
5. START SUCKING
and brace yourself coz it comes out damn quick
6. To get it
down that little bit quicker, squeeze the can before you finish
it.
Real booze hounds
can do a shotgun in almost under 1 second, but a fair time is around
3 seconds and below.
Susie,
Sean and Captain Jack fighting it out in the 'Shotgun Centurion'
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KEG STAND
Albeit
very famous, and widely accepted as a sure fired way to lose a couple
of brain cells, I had never tried a keg stand till recently when
we kidnapped Croft and bought him a keg. After destroying a solid
half of the keg between 6 of us in a game of blow,
the perfect timing arose to try out a keg stand.
You
will need:
1 keg of good
beer with a tap/hose.
(Drunkfun.20m.com endorses VB and draught as the beer of choice)
1 person with
no brains
A couple of
mates to help out
Firstly
grip the handles of the keg solidly, then get your mates to lift
your legs over your head and hold them there so you are doing a
handstand on the keg. Next get someone to shove the hose in your
mouth and start sucking. You can make a competition out of it to
see who can last the longest.
Fiona
demonstrating the skill, and strength for a certified Keg Stand
back to top
DEATH BY GOON
For
all those unfortunate enough to have never experienced the true
power of it, "Goon" is a grouse way to describe cask wine
(which was so proudly invented in Australia).
The key to any sack of goon, is to remove the silver sack from the
box.
Woodcutter
A
woodcutter involves slinging the sack over your shoulder so you
can pour it from that distance usually into the waiting mouth of
your friend. The best way to take a woodcutter is to drop to your
knees and hope that the bearer of the sack has a good aim. This
usually never happens so you end up with goon all through your hair,
on your face and all over your clothes. Woodcutting can also be
used for handy refills or to spike your friend's drinks.
Layback
A simple
competition involving the entrant to lie on their back while someone
pours goon directly into their mouth.
Quite brilliantly, the winner is whoever can lasty
the longest (time wise). Note:
Might be an idea to have a pillow and teddy bear handy coz you most
likely won't be getting up.
Goon-Of-Fortune
A fun
game that requires 4 competitors, 2 sacks of goon, and a hills-hoist
clothes line (one of those ones that spins around.) To set this
game up, you need to tie the 2 sacks of goon to 2 opposite corners
of the clothes line. All 4 competitros stand in a square formation
around the line. The game works by spinning the clothes line as
if it were a prize wheel so it does a decent number of rotations.
Unbelievably, whichever two competitors end up closest to the sacks
of goon, have to drink from it for 5 seconds. Then the wheel is
spun again. Competitors can be replaced as they fall down.
Bondy
in his soon to be failed attempt at a layback
back to top
TEQUILA SUICIDE
The
old tequila slammer just not kicking it for you anymore? Struggling
to pick up chicks coz they reckon you've got no balls? So drunk
that Boris Yeltsin is embarrassed to hang out with you? Then a tequila
suicide is your answer!
Goto
the bar, order a shot of tequila with salt and lemon
1.
Snort the salt on your wrist
2.
Down the shot of tequila
3.
Squeeze the lemon in your eye
Dave,
Mitch and Katie gearing up for a Tequila Suicide
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